On Wholeness & Loneliness


Sometimes, people always feel  a gap that either need to be filled by materials, pets or "company" but rare are those who ask themselves : "Are we  feeling lonely because we need love or because we like the idea of being loved? Or what we really expect from a relationship before we actually get involved."


This gap you describe I believe to be placed within us, not to create a feeling of loneliness but to demonstrate the universal laws of attraction that God created. This seemingly gravitational pull towards another person occurs on all levels; cells do it, insects do it, other life forms do it; without this pull that all the procreating species have, life would not continue. More than just a biological imperative, I see it really as a spiritual  hunger to bond with another. An interesting part in the movie Interstellar involved the female scientist and his debate with Matthew M’s character. She was in love with one of the first scientists to travel out to the new planet. She said [paraphrase], “love is the one thing that crosses barriers and distances.” She’s not seen the man in years yet she feels compelled, connected to him. And it doesn’t matter where they are in the universe. This is truly a spiritual experience.  



Some people are searching for that look in the other's eyes that make them feel special , understood or appreciated, therefore they rush into conclusions that might influence them to make regrettable mistakes. 


As a writer, I see this area to be what grabs people’s attentions. Women seem to express this more openly while men want this but hold the desire inward. Such regrettable mistakes are the talks of hundreds of cases in history where a man or woman falls in love and ends up sacrificing things they normally wouldn’t for the sake of it. Then disaster strikes because the ending didn’t turn out the way they wished. There’s something about one person acknowledging another in a way no one else really does. The feeling of being appreciated, valued, respected, seen in a higher light. My thought is this is a self-esteem booster that doesn’t have to be seen as a bad thing if the love is mutual. When those gestures are reciprocated, both people can be taken to greater heights in consciousness, energy, zest for life, enjoying the moments.


Can that feeling be healed? 


Well I think this would depend on if it’s returned. If it’s not returned, then I see time as the main way to “detox” from it. It’s such a complex experience it would be too simple to say for someone to just “get over it.” This is why time would be needed.


Why is it so hard for us (some of us) to learn to appreciate our own worth first? In other words why is it so hard to learn to love ourselves first before we can share precious moments or seek for that significant other ( what we called our other half)? Admired, Appreciated, loved. 


Ah we go deeper. Influences that push the agenda to need someone else to complete us are all around. TV, movies, music and the general paradigm we live in all support this notion that someone else is supposed to fulfill our lives. [On a spiritual scientific note, different from the context of this discussion, the knowledge says things exist in pairs, yin/yang, the Ma’at, balance, destroy/create, in/out, up/down, masculine/feminine] This is taking place at the same time when we’re not being taught how to fulfill our own lives, to feel whole internally first. This realizing one’s worth comes with developing inner strength and the connection to the creator of all things. When our connection to the source is strong enough, lower-level desires start to disappear and transform into higher desires. This is shown in how some spiritual adepts tend to leave the material world and go into secluded areas for the rest of their lives. They’ve achieved a level of wholeness the material world cannot provide. This wouldn’t be my particular path; I think we can enjoy the fruits of spiritual and material abundance without shutting out the world. Other evidence is shown in how people who accumulate great material abundance can still feel miserable inside. Robin Williams is one recent example. Just saw his documentary over the weekend. Multi-millionaire, famous man who suffered from severe depression among other illnesses, and committed suicide. 


My suggestion [and creating a solution] to this challenge is to create a system that helps people gain this connection to the inner strength and seeing into one’s nature. You realize you’re already whole and someone else entering you’re life who loves and cherishes you is a beautiful addition to your already-wonderful existence.


These words seem all to be related to  love itself , however a lot of us confuse them and end up hurting themselves by letting their imaginations overflows ,hoping and expecting so much.


Our imaginations are limitless and consequently, there’s no limit to how much we can put ourselves through when it comes to emotions. I think you described this just right, no need for my input. We can confuse and end up hurting ourselves through our own imaginations.


 "Be the image of the (type) person you admire/love, therefore you might attract the right one, wherever s/he is."


I believe this is true of anything we want to attract, person or experience. When we become the expression of what we desire, we become “worthy” in a cosmic, karmic sense. We’re ready to receive the thing or person and handle it with maturity and wisdom. The person who possesses qualities you look for will be able to recognize them in you. Let’s use numbers, scale of 1-10 with 10 being the highest. If a level 2 person talks all the time about how terrible people are and feels he deserves a level 8, but he’s only striving to be a level 4, what makes him think he’s going to attract a level 8? And if he does attract the level 8, what makes him think he’s going to be able to successfully involve himself in a relationship? The differences in the 4 and the 8 will be mental, physical, emotional, spiritual. He wants a better woman but he’s not becoming a better man. He’s fooling himself. I have this discussion plenty actually and have said multiple times, men [this could be applied to women also] should focus on becoming the greatest men they can be. Don’t settle for being just an average guy who gets by in life. No, become a champion, of something. Become a hero. Be magnificant. Be amazing. The best version of yourself because one, it’s your birthright to tap your potential and two, the potential partner will recognize these qualities or the striving to attain them.


© 2019 by Trent Rhodes

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